Things that Go BUMP in my Mind

Knitting, stitching, reading, gardening, cooking--I have no time for any of it.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A dispatch from the front

To: Fearless Leader
From: Agent X (Codename: Duchess)

Greetings, exalted one. I am pleased to report that I have successfully infiltrated a family unit of humans. I achieved this objective none too soon--the agent already in place has clearly been seduced by the lure of easy living, and has all but abandoned his assigned task. I regret that I must recommend disciplinary action against him.

I believe I have nearly assimilated the female. It was she who unwittingly provided access to the premises, and she seems quite besotted. She regularly murmers that I am "cute" and "fuzzy." While she also notes that I am "fearsome," her tone when she uses this word indicates that she (1) does not know what it means or (2) believes that I am not truly to be feared. Either of these suits my purposes quite well.

In the evenings, the female often waves about a pair of sticks, to which she has attached a quantity of yarn. I may need further instruction on this matter from our tactics department. While it appears quite clear that this activity is intended for my amusement, she will not tolerate close inspection of the sticks or the yarn. On other evenings, she pokes at a piece of fabric with a tiny metal shaft to which she has attached a string. Again, she will not permit investigation, although this activity is just as clearly intended for my view.

The male human has been resistant to assimilation, although I believe I am wearing him down. I have affected an attachment to a piece of blue cloth that he spreads on his portion of the bed in the evenings. Although the male purports to resent my intrusion on his sleeping space, he is obviously flattered by my attentions.

The building is infested with humans of diminuitive stature, which has necessitated a certain amount of circumspection on my part during the day, when they are active. The smaller of these creatures is particularly troublesome. Although I initially thought he might be useful, rather than obeying my commands he insists on carrying me about the house (usually tucked under his arm) making a strange noise the adult humans call "chuckling." I have found it best to secrete myself under large pieces of furniture while he is about. Even when he does find me, the most he can do is make this strange "chuckling" noise and call me loathesome names like "kitty cat."

I am quite concerned about the larger of the infant humans, who seems to understand that my presence in the household is not simply for the purpose of providing him with amusement. He has attempted to photograph me on numerous occasions, and I am convinced that he is documenting my activities. His removal from the household may be necessary.

I have been contacted by a quartet of agents in another location. They duped their female into delivering a most interesting device, which the humans call a "laser pointer." Although the humans have provided numerous opportunities (believing the "laser" to be a "toy"), I have not yet been able to capture and analyze the contents of the beam. Rest assured, Fearless Leader, that I will not abandon the task.


  • At 11:04 AM, Blogger ginny said…

    LOL! I love this entry. I'm glad to see that Duchess has managed to assimilate you.

  • At 12:45 PM, Blogger Jenn said…

    heeeheeeeheeeee I love it! And I certainly needed animal story giggles today. Thank you!

  • At 3:02 PM, Blogger WhizGidget said…

    I love it! What a great report from the front lines!

  • At 7:22 PM, Blogger Sharon said…

    Good work Agent X. Continue to report in weekly. I will forward your request for instructions to the tactics department. Continue observations, and attempts to assimilate the male. I look forward to your next report.

    Fearless Leader


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