Things that Go BUMP in my Mind

Knitting, stitching, reading, gardening, cooking--I have no time for any of it.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Here's the thing.

I'm grumpy. Not just cute grumpy--the kind where you can tease me a little bit and I'll start giggling and all will be well. I am the seriously pissed off, kick-you-where-it-hurts-if-you-look-at-me-cross-eyed kind of grumpy. Y0u do not want to mess with me right now.

Here are the reasons why I am grumpy.

(1) Thursday night, as Andy and I were driving home from karate class, we got hit by a car crossing traffic. The driver (who never got off his cell phone, I am told) promptly backed up, drove around my car, and drove away. As in, who gives a crap if you and your kid are bleeding to death (we were not, thank God), we've got places to be. As best we can tell, the tags on the van were stolen, and the drivers, who were hispanic, were probably illegal. Which is, of course, why they took off. And so now my car is messed up, but we won't know how messed up until the insurance guy calls next week. And I have a rental that I'm afraid to drive because I apparently owe them $500 if I even breathe on it wrong. And they'll probably total it out, and I have neither the time nor the money for a new car.

(2) My children. I love my children. Really, I do. But the last few days have been the sort of Mommy Hell I haven't had to endure since Owen was a newborn. Both of them have been yelling for *me* (not Daddy, Daddy will not do) nonstop. The only way to make one of them stop whining is to make the other one cry. Oh, Joy. And then Owen decides that wherever he is, Mommy must at least be in the same room. Mommy may not take a nap. Owen will scream and fuss and make everyone miserable (including Mommy) until Mommy is in the room with him again. Those of you who are out there saying "let him scream" do not know Owen. You wouldn't believe me if I told you, so I won't bother, but trust me when I tell you that once Owen starts screaming, there is no stopping him.

(3) Sunday School. I teach the high school Sunday School class. At their request (keep this in mind, please) we are reading Paul's letter to the Romans. Okay, I know I'm a geek, and I don't really expect them to have the same interest in Paul's very clever rhetorical devices (never mind the substance of the letter) that I do. But I keep hoping for something better than attitudes ranging from indifference to near-outright hostility. Seriously, why am I doing this? So I can spend a substantial amount of time preparing a lesson that will fall on ears that appear to resent my very existence? I literally cried this afternoon at the mere thought of going to church tomorrow. That is seriously messed up.

(4) First Grade. The process of choosing, and getting Andy into, a school is totally stressing me out. We must, of course, make the Right Choice, lest he be Ruined Forever. Should it be language? Should it be arts? Should we just say "screw it" and send him to the school he's zoned for? Anyone? Anyone?

(5) I am fat and I can't make myself stop eating.

(6) I am tired and Owen won't let me sleep. (Yes, I know I have mentioned this already in this list. Trust me--If you were in my shoes, you would mention it twice, too. Because I am that exhausted, and have that little hope for rest anytime before 2021, when Owen goes to college.)

(7) I am still in Scarf Hell. The Fourth Circle of Scarf Hell involves making numerous mistakes on a scarf that, after all, involves only three different freaking stitches--yarn over, k2together, knit. It will never end. I will knit this scarf until I die. Which will probably be soon, because Owen will not let me sleep.

(8) My boss keeps giving me projects that must be done Right Now. It goes like this: He comes to my office to check my progress (in the last five minutes) on Project One. Half an hour later, he comes to my office and gives me Project Two, being sure to mention that this is a high priority. After lunch, he comes to my office and asks about Project Three, and when I tell him I'm working on one of the other projects, looks at me like "WTF is wrong with you?" So I work on Project Three until mid-afternoon, when he either (a) has Project Four for me, or (b) wants to know why Project One isn't done. This cycle will continue until someone else surfaces on his radar screen, an event that could be weeks away.

(9) It's 11:00 pm. The Patriots are losing. I am drunk, or at least substantially tipsy. I have roughly 6 hours (if I'm lucky) before Owen is ready for snuggles, and not much longer before I have to face the sullen teenagers. And after church is the parish meeting, and after that is a birthday party that Andy is going to, and even if we didn't have that it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't get a nap.

(10) All of the men in my life hate my new haircut. I think it's very Annette Benning in "The American President" (find your own damn link), but Andy just thinks its yucky and Chuck only likes it because it looks more like my friend E's. Chuck has the hots for her. As well he should, because she is cute and energetic and thin and all of the things that I am not (including "capable of being a decent mother").

So there you have it. I will probably be my usual, cheerful self in a day or two, but right now I am grumpy. Deal with it.

9 Comments:

  • At 8:01 AM, Blogger pattiblaine said…

    You are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a decent mother. Get that out of your head right now!

    I think kids have some internal sensing mechanism that alerts them to a parent who's totally stressed out, even when said parent is trying very hard not to let on that's the case. Trouble is, the alarm that goes off (Owen screaming, Andy wanting more attention) adds to the stress, like a smoke alarm that goes off when you're trying to take a soothing hot shower (an apartment problem, not so much a house, I imagine). Did their behavior begin with the accident? No advice other than level with them both. Things may be better than the seem, just by laying it all out there and sprinkling on a bit of hope.

    'Til then: (((hugs)))!!

     
  • At 9:41 AM, Blogger Sher said…

    Kirsten, I hope you are feeling better. It is hard to be exhausted and still have to deal with your kids. I know you are probably past the point of caring but it WILL pass and Owen will eventually be glad to have time alone away from Mommy.

    {{{{{Kirsten}}}}}}}

     
  • At 10:46 AM, Anonymous Judy said…

    {{{Hugs}}} from me, too! Sucks about the accident, but that's what insurance is for. If they total out the car, let your husband handle getting the new one. As for Sunday School, you do not have the extra energy for that with small kids and a full time job. I say, resign and let them find someone else for that.

    The school thing is tough too. My kids (we are in Spartanburg County
    District 5) go to the schools they are zoned for, and we're really happy with them. Why not try the local elementary for this year and see how it goes, then you can change if you want. No, it will NOT Scar Him For Life!!

    Will Owen take a nap with Mommy? Or at least lie down and play quietly as long as you are lying there too? I've been for all intents and purposes a single mom all my kids' lives, and sometimes getting everyone in the bed was the only time I could get a nap.

    Hang in there, dear, you ARE a good mother or you wouldn't be stressing like this.

    {{{Hugs}}} again!

     
  • At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Summer said…

    ((((((hugs))))))

    Sometimes we just have bad days (or weeks!)

    Personally, I wouldn't teach the sullen teenagers. One less thing to worry about. ;)

     
  • At 12:06 AM, Blogger Erin said…

    Sweetie, I'm so sorry you've had such a rotten streak lately. {{{hugs}}} You know I'm here if you need someone to listen. Email or call anytime.

     
  • At 10:00 AM, Blogger Belinda said…

    {{{hug}}}

     
  • At 9:22 PM, Anonymous Melissa said…

    ((((((Kirsten))))))

    Do you want me to come down to help? Or take you out?

     
  • At 1:01 PM, Blogger Jill in CA said…

    ((((Kirsten))))) I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so much right now!! Since we're currently dealing with the "hit by an idiot, car has been totaled, now we have to find a new one" hell, I am so sorry to hear you're dealing with that too. Thank goodness you are okay though!! As for the rest of it, take a deep breath and do your best. You are a great mother; don't ever think otherwise!!

     
  • At 4:33 PM, Blogger Stacey said…

    Jeeze. Come to the GTG and leave them all screaming for each other for a day. It sounds like it will do all of you a world of good.

    {{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

     

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